Wednesday, May 23, 2007

All We Have Is Love

This is a true story:

Two young men where outside of the market place talking to a yippy puppy, named MaryPat. The men's names were Mario and Luigi. They were awaiting their ogre, Matt, to return from his shopping spree. As they waited a voice came from behind the wooden carts, "Ah, the leprechauns." Mario and Luigi we stunned, while the puppy always had a surprised look on its face since anything but strawberries surprises it. Needless to say, supriseness was happening.
A man appeared from behind the the wooden carts. He was a big, gross man, more like a troll than a human. Mario turn to Luigi and said under his breath
"He smells like a old shoes after you've mopped the floor of sweat."
"Yes." said Luigi.
The man stumbled toward the mustache men and yippy dog. He was drooling acid from his flimsy, toothless mouth.
"I am a Mexican. I am an Orick." he said.
"AN Orick!!!," exclaimed the little yippy dog.
"Yes I am, and I want to give you all hugs".
Seeing that his friends were not excited about getting hugs from the smelly mexican orick, Luigi stepped into his path recieveing the first giant hug. The orick smelled like a rotting pumpkin that collapsed on itself while sitting on some college kid's back porch and felt like it too. After about five minute of pain and punctual scents the orick let go of Luigi. Luigi's friends sat in horror as Luigi fell to the ground shivering and covered in an orange ooze. The orick then set his sights on the yippy dog but right when it was about to wra[ his grossly deformed arms around the poor thing Luigi stood between them and said with a grimace.
"How about another daddy O!"
The orick then spread his arms wide and closed them tightly on Luigi. Luigi with much effort slipped from the oozy embrace and took a couple steps away from his friends.
"How about another!"
The orick then moved toward him a gave Luigi another hug. Then Luigi did something unpresidented, he slipped out again! This continued for about ten minutes until both the orick and Luigi were both exhausted and standing at the edge of the historic Mount Olympus cliff face. Luigi had his back toward the edge while the monster was moving in for his final monsterous monsterousity of a hug. The monster loomed over him and his arms opened wide. The monster was so close Luigi could taste the pimples that pussed from its armpits. (Luigi would like the audiance to know that the puss didn't taste so bad, kinda like baklava. Baklava of course refering to lava off of the back of a lava monster that tastes something like poo.) Anyway he tasted it and it was gross. The arms started moving in and Luigi could hear the orick's arm bones groaning and cracking with effort. Luigi knew there was only one thing to do, it had only been done in overtime in the finals of the world tournament of Quittdich 1952 and now it was about to be done again.
Luigi threw his arms up in the air. As they were flying upwards they drew the attention of the orick. Big mistake! Time slowed down as the arms soared into the air separated from Luigi's body. Mario's mustache slowly floated to the ground in awe and the yippy dog stopped yipping. Luigi now armless, flung himself in a daring spiral under the orick's legs. The orick turned and looked down at Luigi who was know covered in mud and orange slime. Luigi smiled like a crafty fox who knew he had won a pot of gold from a American. The orick stunned that the likes of him would be destroyed was even more stunned when Luigi's arms came down upon his neck in a prefect two handed chop that would have made Chipper Jones proud. The orick fell. The groung shook from the weight of the mexican man/troll. I shook so much that the whole world felt it and were sad. The cliff edge cracked and crackled. Mario and Luigi stared at each other in horror. Luigi ran as fast as he could without arms away from the beast and certian death. But Mario ran toward the unconscious being.
"What are you doing!" screamed Luigi.
" I'm giving you a hand!''
Then Mario jumped on the orick and grabbed the limbs of his friend as they both disappeared from the yippy dog and Luigi's view.
"NOOO!!!!" Luigi said.
"YIPPPP!!!!" Said the dog.

The two friends sat. They sat hoplessly looking at the cliff edge of the gods.
"Why?! MOUNT OLYMPUS!! WHY?!" Said Luigi
No answer came. It has been said that mountains can't talk, nor can yippy dogs, but people have also said that a orick couldn't be knocked unconscious from a double karate chop. And they were about to be proved wrong again. OLYMPUS spoke. Spoke in a deep, powerful voice that would have defied kings from their thrones and the sea from its bed.
"Why not Luigi?"

Luigi was in awe. The yippy dog stared at the mountain peak as a shimmering light came down from above. A figure appeared in the blindingness. Luigi turned into the light and out of it appeared Mario. However Luigi's arms weren't in his hands, they were attached under each of his arms. Luigi's arms were no longer his.
"Don't cry Luigi." said Mario in a soft voice. "We always knew this was going to happen."
"Yes, we did. But it is still hard. I miss them."
"I know, I know. Come here and let me stroke your mustache with them, they miss you too."
Then Luigi moved toward Mario's outreached new hands. They stroked the thick mustache that they would be forever separated from. Then they parted. Mario and Luigi had many other adventures with each other and their friend the yippy dog. But for now....

THE END

2 comments:

Emma Oh said...

write more blogs. do not quit. consider yourself encouraged.

Steve said...

Former Senator, you've done it again. Incredibly entertaining, that was.