Saturday, May 5, 2007

Golf Clubs

Today's lesson is the history and definition of golf clubs. I will be answering a few popular questions that usually arise when the subject of golf emerges from the mouth of some richy. Here are the most popular questions.

Question 1: Is golf a sport?
Answer: No way in Hell!!!

No golf is not a sport, nor is it a recreational activity, unless you call eating candy a recreation (cough, Lane family) Because actually golf was created as a form of dinning before it was ever used to mimic sports. The gold club as we know it now evolved from a jawbreaker-like candy to a jawbreaker-like candy on a stick, then the grip was added. The name jawbreaker actually came from two different traditional backgrounds, Asian and Australian. Before it ever evolved from a hard candy aborigines would use it to break the jaw of their cattle for eating. And after the animal was prepared accordingly it would be eaten with the "jawbreaker" and "tee" (we will get to this later). (Actually how about right now?) The Aussies drank a tee, a form of tea, that the English took with them back to Europe. Asian culture called it a jawbreaker because the South Koreans would send the young men out into the wilderness until they finished the giant hard candy as a test of manhood. If the male returned with a broken jaw he was cast aside to hang out with the women and wash dishes. (Rawickii 2007, pg56).


Question 2. Did golf come from the Devil?
Answer: possible

Did golf come from the devil? Well it is really tough to know for sure. We do know that a sinner by the name of Ralph Rascal did play golf on Sept 29, 1872. (Badfashion 1998, pg3) However forensic evidence can not yet prove or disprove if Rascal was actually using GLA (golfing league of america) regulated clubs at the time. We can say for sure that he existed and that the Devil is still at large. (at large meaning obese or fat).

Question 3. Is golf like a fashion or something?
Answer: Hell no!!!

Although my word should be enough for you I will give you a non-believer's position on the matter and let you make up your own mind. Molly Rawickii says in her book "Golf is Fashion and Other Things" that golf is actually a fashion among other things. Although it is a valid point there is no forensic evidence to prove her point. From what I understand about her she purposively shops @ thrift stores to buy owls because they are "cute" when really they are nocturnal birds. Although she does have fashion sense on most subjects I think it is best that we abide by golf's most ancient rule. Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden!!!

Question 4. Is stealing a golf club a sin?
Answer: Heck yeah!

In the ancient South Korean culture to steal a boy's jawbreaker was the same as stealing his future manhood, his future wife and children, and all of his possessions. Some even practiced that the soul was taken from the boy and put into the thief's dorm room where haunting and such occurred. The soul could only be taken into the after life by his jawbreaker being connected to a vacuum and sucking to soul into the appliance. When the thief was caught, because they always were, the golf club would usually be found in his "jeep" which is another word for really dirty horse. They would then toss him into the kitchen with the women to was dirty dishes.

So in response to these questions NO!!!, possible, NO!!!! where do you ppl come up with these questions, and HECK YES!!!.

Anyway that should be good enough for now....

1 comment:

Schmilga3000 said...

i like the gla insert.