All We Have Is Love

This is a true story:

Two young men where outside of the market place talking to a yippy puppy, named MaryPat. The men's names were Mario and Luigi. They were awaiting their ogre, Matt, to return from his shopping spree. As they waited a voice came from behind the wooden carts, "Ah, the leprechauns." Mario and Luigi we stunned, while the puppy always had a surprised look on its face since anything but strawberries surprises it. Needless to say, supriseness was happening.
A man appeared from behind the the wooden carts. He was a big, gross man, more like a troll than a human. Mario turn to Luigi and said under his breath
"He smells like a old shoes after you've mopped the floor of sweat."
"Yes." said Luigi.
The man stumbled toward the mustache men and yippy dog. He was drooling acid from his flimsy, toothless mouth.
"I am a Mexican. I am an Orick." he said.
"AN Orick!!!," exclaimed the little yippy dog.
"Yes I am, and I want to give you all hugs".
Seeing that his friends were not excited about getting hugs from the smelly mexican orick, Luigi stepped into his path recieveing the first giant hug. The orick smelled like a rotting pumpkin that collapsed on itself while sitting on some college kid's back porch and felt like it too. After about five minute of pain and punctual scents the orick let go of Luigi. Luigi's friends sat in horror as Luigi fell to the ground shivering and covered in an orange ooze. The orick then set his sights on the yippy dog but right when it was about to wra[ his grossly deformed arms around the poor thing Luigi stood between them and said with a grimace.
"How about another daddy O!"
The orick then spread his arms wide and closed them tightly on Luigi. Luigi with much effort slipped from the oozy embrace and took a couple steps away from his friends.
"How about another!"
The orick then moved toward him a gave Luigi another hug. Then Luigi did something unpresidented, he slipped out again! This continued for about ten minutes until both the orick and Luigi were both exhausted and standing at the edge of the historic Mount Olympus cliff face. Luigi had his back toward the edge while the monster was moving in for his final monsterous monsterousity of a hug. The monster loomed over him and his arms opened wide. The monster was so close Luigi could taste the pimples that pussed from its armpits. (Luigi would like the audiance to know that the puss didn't taste so bad, kinda like baklava. Baklava of course refering to lava off of the back of a lava monster that tastes something like poo.) Anyway he tasted it and it was gross. The arms started moving in and Luigi could hear the orick's arm bones groaning and cracking with effort. Luigi knew there was only one thing to do, it had only been done in overtime in the finals of the world tournament of Quittdich 1952 and now it was about to be done again.
Luigi threw his arms up in the air. As they were flying upwards they drew the attention of the orick. Big mistake! Time slowed down as the arms soared into the air separated from Luigi's body. Mario's mustache slowly floated to the ground in awe and the yippy dog stopped yipping. Luigi now armless, flung himself in a daring spiral under the orick's legs. The orick turned and looked down at Luigi who was know covered in mud and orange slime. Luigi smiled like a crafty fox who knew he had won a pot of gold from a American. The orick stunned that the likes of him would be destroyed was even more stunned when Luigi's arms came down upon his neck in a prefect two handed chop that would have made Chipper Jones proud. The orick fell. The groung shook from the weight of the mexican man/troll. I shook so much that the whole world felt it and were sad. The cliff edge cracked and crackled. Mario and Luigi stared at each other in horror. Luigi ran as fast as he could without arms away from the beast and certian death. But Mario ran toward the unconscious being.
"What are you doing!" screamed Luigi.
" I'm giving you a hand!''
Then Mario jumped on the orick and grabbed the limbs of his friend as they both disappeared from the yippy dog and Luigi's view.
"NOOO!!!!" Luigi said.
"YIPPPP!!!!" Said the dog.

The two friends sat. They sat hoplessly looking at the cliff edge of the gods.
"Why?! MOUNT OLYMPUS!! WHY?!" Said Luigi
No answer came. It has been said that mountains can't talk, nor can yippy dogs, but people have also said that a orick couldn't be knocked unconscious from a double karate chop. And they were about to be proved wrong again. OLYMPUS spoke. Spoke in a deep, powerful voice that would have defied kings from their thrones and the sea from its bed.
"Why not Luigi?"

Luigi was in awe. The yippy dog stared at the mountain peak as a shimmering light came down from above. A figure appeared in the blindingness. Luigi turned into the light and out of it appeared Mario. However Luigi's arms weren't in his hands, they were attached under each of his arms. Luigi's arms were no longer his.
"Don't cry Luigi." said Mario in a soft voice. "We always knew this was going to happen."
"Yes, we did. But it is still hard. I miss them."
"I know, I know. Come here and let me stroke your mustache with them, they miss you too."
Then Luigi moved toward Mario's outreached new hands. They stroked the thick mustache that they would be forever separated from. Then they parted. Mario and Luigi had many other adventures with each other and their friend the yippy dog. But for now....

THE END

Laziness and Potential

Okay so I'm really lazy and the things that i want to do or become I don't because I'd rather wait till tomorrow. That sucks. It is so depressing. I sit around and whenever I think about the work that I have to do I get upset and feel sorry for myself. It is so pathetic. But God is so beautiful and wonderful, because He has given me so much potential. I realized this while I was sitting in my cut offs getting depressed about homework and other things. "I have potential" I can be anything I want to become, except a woman. So instead of whining and feeling sorry for myself I did 25 push ups, opened my blog up again, started Derry Connolly homework, and will do another 25 push ups right now!!! Bam just did umm at 3:41 AM. It feels good! I feel better about myself and I'm happier with who I am!!! Praise God!!! I'm not even kidding.
Thank you Jesus for giving me the potential to be something better than what I am now. Thank you some much for the grace to get up off my ass even for just a moment to become who I wanna become. I have so much more hope now. Homework doesn't seem that impossible anymore. Thank you God!!!

Fernando

So I am sitting in Fernadno's class when he showed us a documentary called Quiters. It really inspired me to quit making blogs. People always say, "Wow, your blog really inspires me." or "Wow, I am inspired, a lot." I tell them that they are just being led astray by the evil media of the United States. Anyway Fernando's class also taught me that media on the internet should be short. Like this....

Thanks I quit,

FORMER!!!! Senator Collin Augustus Clark III

Golf Clubs

Today's lesson is the history and definition of golf clubs. I will be answering a few popular questions that usually arise when the subject of golf emerges from the mouth of some richy. Here are the most popular questions.

Question 1: Is golf a sport?

Answer: No way in Hell!!!

No golf is not a sport, nor is it a recreational activity, unless you call eating candy a recreation (cough, Lane family) Because actually golf was created as a form of dinning before it was ever used to mimic sports. The gold club as we know it now evolved from a jawbreaker-like candy to a jawbreaker-like candy on a stick, then the grip was added. The name jawbreaker actually came from two different traditional backgrounds, Asian and Australian. Before it ever evolved from a hard candy aborigines would use it to break the jaw of their cattle for eating. And after the animal was prepared accordingly it would be eaten with the "jawbreaker" and "tee" (we will get to this later). (Actually how about right now?) The Aussies drank a tee, a form of tea, that the English took with them back to Europe. Asian culture called it a jawbreaker because the South Koreans would send the young men out into the wilderness until they finished the giant hard candy as a test of manhood. If the male returned with a broken jaw he was cast aside to hang out with the women and wash dishes. (Rawickii 2007, pg56).

Question 2. Did golf come from the Devil?
Answer: possible

Did golf come from the devil? Well it is really tough to know for sure. We do know that a sinner by the name of Ralph Rascal did play golf on Sept 29, 1872. (Badfashion 1998, pg3) However forensic evidence can not yet prove or disprove if Rascal was actually using GLA (golfing league of america) regulated clubs at the time. We can say for sure that he existed and that the Devil is still at large. (at large meaning obese or fat).

Question 3. Is golf like a fashion or something?
Answer: Hell no!!!

Although my word should be enough for you I will give you a non-believer's position on the matter and let you make up your own mind. Molly Rawickii says in her book "Golf is Fashion and Other Things" that golf is actually a fashion among other things. Although it is a valid point there is no forensic evidence to prove her point. From what I understand about her she purposively shops @ thrift stores to buy owls because they are "cute" when really they are nocturnal birds. Although she does have fashion sense on most subjects I think it is best that we abide by golf's most ancient rule. Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden!!!

Question 4. Is stealing a golf club a sin?
Answer: Heck yeah!

In the ancient South Korean culture to steal a boy's jawbreaker was the same as stealing his future manhood, his future wife and children, and all of his possessions. Some even practiced that the soul was taken from the boy and put into the thief's dorm room where haunting and such occurred. The soul could only be taken into the after life by his jawbreaker being connected to a vacuum and sucking to soul into the appliance. When the thief was caught, because they always were, the golf club would usually be found in his "jeep" which is another word for really dirty horse. They would then toss him into the kitchen with the women to was dirty dishes.

So in response to these questions NO!!!, possible, NO!!!! where do you ppl come up with these questions, and HECK YES!!!.

Anyway that should be good enough for now....

The color Black and the new world market.

Dear Readers,
Today is the day that I talk about the color Black. Black isn't actually a color. It is a shade. It is a shade of a color. Something tells me that Black can actually be any color but just a really dark shade of it. So Green is actually not the color Red but a lighter shade of Black, and Red is also a lighter shade of Black as well. So with this in mind I will now talk about things which are the shade of Black.

If you happen to see my friend Jackie, you might say to yourself, "hmm that is a very pretty girl." But if you saw her in a Black dress or shirt or anything that is clothing and Black then you might actually find yourself saying, "hmmm that girl is really smoking," and it would be okay.

Now I actually have a friend named Tudi, or as I like to call him 2D. twodee Anyway he is a very dark shade of orange. And the shirt he is wearing is actually a shade of pink (notice the difference)
Not only is Tudi a very dark shade of Black, but he is into recording records with his company Vero Records. And records as we all know are Black.

Patrick Lyon is a friend who has a "interesting" haircut. Not only is it "interesting" but is it Black. Patrick is a very Black boy. But it isn't his skin shade that makes him this way. Black isn't only a shade but it can represent the shade of you orra (the feeling or smell surrounding a person). He and I play Gears of War and I always CHAINSAW him to death. We get along great! Because of the nature of his orra I named him "Patrick Black'' in my telecellphone.

I am not trying to say that Black is a good thing, I am just saying that it exists and that it should be kept cautious of. Some of the many friends I have, have ran into things because Black, or "dark" to be politically correct, was covering their eyes. Don't let this happen to you. Here are a few steps you can take to protect yourself against Black.

1. If you wake up and are surrounded by Black don't freak out and going running around. It usually disappears in the morn, thats California talk for morning.

2. If you happen to step in something Black don't eat it off your shoe. Call a doctor and see if it is eatable.

3. Carry a flashlight around, Black, or any dark shaded color for that matter, don't like it.

4. Try to make friends with it. If that doesn't work call a doctor and see if it is eatable.

Thats all folks

The Blog de Former Senator Collin Augustus Clark III

Today is a Tuesday and I am creating a blog. This will be the best blog ever because it will talk about world issues and won't care about speling, or proper grammer. I will mostly talk about love and such and also things of the nature of out of this world. This is going to be in direct competition with Micheal Barber's blog, he talks about God, and is my professor at JP Catholic, and has friendly competition with Tim Evan's blog, which is a significant blog of prestige. Now for my first topic of discussion. Babies.

Babies are created from a sperm and an egg. The sperm belongs to a man and the egg is the property of a woman. Sperm looks like this but there are alot more of them and some of them have goatees instead of cool shades. The baby is formed when one of the sperm drills into the egg like a drill. This makes the egg a little upset but the egg knows that it is nature so it lets it happen. Sometimes heated words are exchanged but mostly between the left out sperms and the sucsessful sperm. Things like "My life is over you jerk" or "I don't like you brother sperm" are said under the loser sperms breaths or out loud. So what happens to the left over sperm friends, where do they go? This was the question asked by my roommate, Josh, after I explained to him the Birds and the Bees. Needless to say I was in a Del-Emma. (a Del-Emma is a Spanish conjuction which means "of the Emma", Emma being a girl with really big, pretty eyes that you can see the starts in on a clear night.)

I had to come up with an answer that would show that the forgoten sperm still went on to live productive lives dispite their failures. So I came up with some very good answers that make actually have their roots in science or politics. I told him, "Some of the sperm will go grow longer goatees to make up for their lost manhood or just buy bigger shades. Some of them feel sad and will go listen to "Fix you" by Coldplay. Some get back on their feet and put on a little sticktoitivness attitude and charge the egg again but they usually get lost. The rest of the sperm start entrupernewial businesses.

Well I hope that you enjoyed this Research that I have put together. I uh..
Thanks